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WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM?
“Self esteem is the art of knowing who you are and what you want, trusting your heart and living a truly authentic life based on your own sense of self-worth and values. It is about being totally unapologetic about what you stand for regardless of what others might think of you. It is from this perspective that you hold self respect for yourself, while garnering self-respect for others.”
So just be and live who you are.
Enjoy the mini movie of self-esteem quotes that I created.
It was good to see Hillary Clinton back on the public stage participating in a Women’s International Day event in New York City. If ever there was an example of resilience and “bounce back ability” she would be it.
Describing her failed campaign to be elected as the first female president of the USA as “life handing her setbacks,” Clinton heralded the support and encouragement she received from her family and friends as being pivotal in her journey back from “failure to success.” (https://goo.gl/SzX8Zh)
It seems that her time in retreat has been spent on reflection and she is moving to a place of renewal and is now planning the next stage of her career.
Failure to Success: Lessons from Hillary https://goo.gl/SzX8Zh
Although the former secretary of state talked about the need for more women to actively run for public office and take on leadership roles in their communities, she did not talk about the tough veneer those women need to have in order to play in a US political arena dominated by misogynistic men.
Unlike many other countries throughout the world Canada, France, Germany, Great Britain, India, Israel, Jamaica, Norway, Poland……… the list goes on, who have managed to accept the idea that a woman can lead a country, the USA alas, is not yet ready to break that glass ceiling.
The political fiasco in Washington that the world is witnessing right now, sadly sends a message to women that no matter how much public leadership experience you have, no matter how smart, intelligent, and suitable a candidate you are, we would rather elect a man to run the country, even if he his disingenuous, lacks the skills, values, and temperament required for the position.
In spite of this set back, the number of women running for public office has risen sharply since Clinton lost the 2016 Presidential Election.
In her International Women’s Day 2017 message, Clinton reminds us that “the unfinished business of the 21st Century is the “shattering of stereotypes” and the full equality of women.” In this regard the many women who are now running for public office in the USA will need unrelenting support.
It’s easy to stay motivated when everything is going smoothly. But when the going gets tough, that’s another story. According to Hillary Clinton speaking at an International Women’s Day event, “life does hand you setbacks.”
Perhaps you didn’t pass an audition or a screen test that would have been a big break for you.
Maybe you didn’t get the job promotion you were expecting.
Or you asked your true love to marry you and were rejected.
Maybe you ran for office and, like Hillary, you lost.
Whatever your failure, it can leave you feeling angry, ashamed, unsure of yourself, disheartened, and more. Maybe you want to shrink away or even lash out. You might even want to give up.
You may need to retreat, you may need to review, but after you re-assess your situation, you can renew and achieve your goals.
Here are three lessons we can we can learn from Hillary Clinton in terms of regaining our motivation after failure:
1. It’s okay to lick your wounds.
If everything has blown up in your face, you deserve to feel sorry for yourself. Whine, complain, cry, sing the blues, or visit your mother and let her make you tea.
Play with the grandkids.
Eat a whole cheese cake.
Call your best friend and let him boost you back up.
It’s okay; you’re allowed. You suffered a loss, so you can grieve.
The caveat is that you have to make it time limited. Give yourself a day or two, two weeks if you must, but six months later, if you are still singing the same song, then you are probably depressed and have a problem.
And I think that is what we saw Hillary do. She retreated. There were reports of people seeing her walking in the woods. She was regrouping and connecting to nature. She stayed out of the public eye for a short while and probably gave herself some well-earned rest.
That’s what you do. Take some time out for a short, period of time. And then, when your pre-defined time is up, you get back up and get back to work.
Because that’s what successful people do.
When you are ready, it is time to have a clear-eyed look at what happened. Re-assess. You want to do this with some detachment. But you don’t want to be a scab picker, who just focuses on the negatives and what went wrong. You also want to look at what went right. In fact, it might be helpful to not even use those words, right/wrong. Think in terms of what you did well and what you could have done differently.
This gives you a broader perspective and takes you outside of yourself. If you analyze the failure correctly, you’ll figure out what changes you could have taken.
And once again we saw this with Hillary Clinton. In her campaign there were things she could have done differently. She could have campaigned in certain states; she could have reached out and connected to the “basket of deplorable people” she talked about.
She could have been more responsible with her damn emails.
As we saw, there were bigger issues at play. Who knew that she would have been blindsided by James Comey in the last few days running up to the election. And, as we now know, there was interference from the Russians.
Often, when we fail at something, there are bigger issues at play and you will have to figure out what that means for you.
Failure is feedback if used constructively. Don’t think a failure means you’re not good enough. Just think that a failure means your plan needs work.
3. Get back in the saddle.
When you have defined for yourself what your errors were, come up with alternative plan. Maybe the door to what you want is closed, but as we know, a window is open somewhere.
It is time to build up your resilience and “bounce back ability” muscle. We all have one.
You have to restart using those things that you used to motivate yourself in the first place. Re-establish your positive thinking routines. Visualize yourself coming back from this failure and going forward to success. Practice positive affirmations that describe you overcoming your setbacks. Look in the mirror and make statements describing yourself with positive characteristics, such as, “I am resolute. I am indefatigable. I am steadfast. I am competent. I am confident.”
Connect to your mentors, your coaches, your master mind group, and surround yourself with positive, like-minded people.
So maybe for Hillary she can now invest her time and energy in more global initiatives with her foundation. Maybe that will allow her to have a bigger impact internationally in more far reaching ways than she could have had as a president of the USA.
You may have to re-jigger your path to your goal. You may even have to tweak the goal. But don’t give up. Don’t ever get up. Get back in the saddle and ride. You can take control of your life and improve it in the way you want by learning from your failure and trying again.
Remember Winston Churchill’s sage advice: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.”
If you like this post please share. Your feedback and comments both positive/negative are always welcome. Happy International Women’s Day to both women and men.
Have you ever had a dream, goal or objective that you could not fulfil or accomplish? Maybe you tried to lose weight, train for a marathon, begin an online business, write a novel, or do something else that was challenging.
Why didn’t you succeed?
People often fall short at achieving a big dream they desperately want, because they lose their self-motivation. Keeping up your motivation can be difficult when you face a long period of intense work.
Here are 7 ways that will help you to stay motivated so you can hold onto and reach those big dreams.
- Honour yourself
The first step is to set genuine goals and objectives for yourself. Be true to yourself and choose the goals that are right for you. If you set a goal that you feel obligated to achieve, instead of a goal that you are passionate about, you will find it difficult to maintain your level of motivation. Only choose goals that rouse and inspire you; goals that you earnestly want to achieve, as this will make your journey pleasant and easy. Don’t try to motivate yourself to do something that is not fun. Find the joy, and the motivation will take care of itself.
- Dream big, but set small goals.
Big dreams can be both awesome and inspiring. On the other hand, they can also be overwhelming. The trick is to be both optimistic and realistic. You can have a big dream, but you will also need to set a series of practical action steps to be completed on a monthly, weekly, or daily basis to get you where you want to go.
As you work through your action steps, you may find that they need to be adjusted. You may have to take a detour. You may fail at some of your action steps and have to try again or create workarounds. But keep working on them; celebrating the achievements of each one motivates you.
- Chart your progress.
You should make a list of action steps to take you toward your big dream. Work that list, with each step taking you closer to your big dream. But don’t just look forward to seeing where the action steps can take you. Look back from time to time to see how far you have come.
If you can chart your progress in black and white, it provides concrete evidence that your daily, weekly, and monthly action steps are leading you toward that big dream. Charting your progress creates a visual image to help you see what you have accomplished and gives you a clear picture of the positive changes that you have made thus far. Seeing your progress is motivating in itself.
- Create Standard Operating Procedures.
As you do the work to take you to your big dream, you may encounter processes that repeat themselves. Take stock of these, as these are the standard operating procedures (SOP) that will help you systemize your action steps. They give you a chance to hone the processes that work for you, thereby improving your outcomes by making them routine. Creating a standard operating procedure can be as simple as creating an itemized checklist.
This simple concept can be motivating, as it creates efficiency, reduces unnecessary actions, and provides clear and repeatable actions that you know actually work. You don’t need to waste time trying new things if you have systems in place that actually work.
These checklists keep you motivated by systematically avoiding those issues and making it possible for your efforts to be spent on your work, not on solving problems that keep you from your work.
If you do something by habit, you don’t need to motivate yourself to do it. So spend some time thinking about your processes, your schedule, and your goals, and figure out your SOPs, which will lead to habits. According to Stephen Covey in the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, the difference between those who succeed and those who don’t are the habits that they each create for themselves.
- Plan your day the night before.
Since you already have your goals established for the year, month, week and day, you can plan your day by taking just a few minutes the night before. Have a look at your goals and reassess them. Do they still make sense? Will they get you closer to your big dream? Are they the most important steps to take next?
Make whatever revisions are appropriate and prioritize your goals for the day. Do you have an unpleasant task to do? Get it done first. Otherwise, your entire workday will be consumed by thoughts of how unpleasant the task is and how you would prefer not to do it. On the other hand, once the task is done and you’ve put the unpleasantness behind you, the rest of your day can only improve.
If you have a task that requires a lot of creativity or brainwork, plan to do it when you are fresh and at your best. That may be different times of the day for different people, but in general you should aim for an early morning start, leaving you plenty of time to work on your task before your energy fails.
Anticipate what materials you will need and get them ready the night before. Spend some time thinking about the process for each goal and the results you hope your goals will bring. Just starting the thinking process in advance will help you focus, solve problems, and find insights when you sit down to do your work the next day.
While you’re planning your day, it’s easy to get overwhelmed with day-to-day urgency. Some of that daily urgency may be necessary, but don’t let it rob you of your long perspective. Think of the big dream, not just the daily nitty-gritty, when you plan and work each day.
- Learn to love failure.
Some people feel angry, ashamed, or discouraged, and stop their efforts to reach their big dream when they fail at something. Others simply become de-motivated and don’t want to continue. Taking this approach means you miss out on important lessons and new opportunities if you quit.
Successful people embrace failure for the lessons they learn and the experience they gain. Successful people never use failure as an excuse to stop pursuing their big dream. Successful people find failure motivating. Be like them.
Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb, failed many times before he actually succeeded. “I haven’t failed,” he famously said. “I’ve found 10,000 ways that don’t work.” Why not borrow Edison’s approach to failure.
It’s easy to let a failure erase all the work you did toward your big dream. But messing up once or even twice doesn’t mean you have to give up altogether. Don’t fall for the “What the heck” syndrome. Don’t think that any defeat is anything other than temporary. Don’t give a small failure the power to demotivate you from reaching your big dream.
Get back to work and try again.
Don’t look at failure as failure. “Sweet are the uses of adversity,” says William Shakespeare. Failure can actually be positive. Overcoming failure and adversity can strengthen and build character. It can revise, refocus and redirect you to start moving in a new direction. In this regard the universe may be preparing you for greatness in other areas.
- You don’t have to do it all. Learn to delegate.
Achieving your big dream probably includes accomplishing some tasks that you aren’t great at. Perhaps your big dream is an online writing career. Your prose soars, but your technical prowess sinks your website. Don’t let the tech stuff demotivate you. Stick to your writing and hire a tech person.
In the big, wide world, there is someone somewhere who can do the things you are hopeless at. Keep up your motivation by partnering with that person. Let her exercise her skills so you don’t have to.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do on a project is to start it. Once you have started it, you’ll often find the momentum to keep going.
Motivation loves action. Take the first step, then the second step and pretty soon you’ll be headed down the road. Start. Momentum will carry you forward.
Recognize from the start that the path to your big dream will take work and time. You’ll make mistakes that you’ll need to correct. You’ll learn things that you didn’t know when you started out, and that will make you undertake work you hadn’t counted on. And however things work out, they won’t work out exactly as you had anticipated.
Keeping motivated over the long haul can be hard, but that’s one reason why you should set monthly, weekly, and daily goals and celebrate the completion of each one. It’s also why you should chart your progress and assess how far you’ve come from time to time. Of course, if your big dream doesn’t reflect your truest self, keeping your motivation up over a long period of time will be hard, no matter what motivation tips you follow.
Finally, when you’re slogging away at your daily, weekly, and monthly goals, and your motivation gets weak, focus on the big dream. Focus on how gorgeous it is, on how life-changing it will be for you to get there. Focus on how it will benefit those you love. Keep it at the front of your mind when you’re having a hard time getting motivated. Remember how much you love it. Remember that you can do it.
When all is said and done, all you have to do is just do it.
For more information on motivation why not check out my e-book Your Motivation Profile take the Motivation Profile Quiz and assess just how ready you really are to make the changes that you say you desire. Get the link here. http://www.prnd2l.co/empowered-soluitions/