Let it Go

LET IT GO

What to do with an angry family relationship?

When I first met Anita (not her real name) I was shocked by the scars that she displayed on her arms. Her purse was filled with some sort of medicinal balm that she aggressively applied repeatedly. There was a story hidden behind those scars, as I soon found out, a history of neglect and abuse and self-loathing.

“Do you think these scars represent how you feel about yourself today?” I asked her.

“Maybe.” She responded.

“I hate Christmas, birthdays. It just makes me feel like a small kid all over again, neglected and unloved.”

As we continued with our discussion, I asked her if she had ever spoken with her mother about her childhood and discussed how she felt.

“I can’t!” She cried adamantly.

“I will never tell her how I feel.”

“Why not,”  I asked gently.

“She would just dismiss my feelings the way she always does and I couldn’t bear it.”

As she told her story of her childhood, I could feel the depth of her anger and pain.

Anita was hurtfully stuck in her relationship with her mother.

Do you have unresolved issues from your past, the family you grew up in, that interfere with your present functioning and the family that you have now created?

If your family life was dysfunctional growing up if you suffered as a child if you carry childhood wounds from the past that you still hold on to, then…….

RELEASE THEM.

LET THEM GO.

Give them up and let them go.

Let go of the YEARNING   for the family and relationships you always wanted. Let go of the childhood dreams that never came to fruition.

It’s time to grow up.

Really grow up.

It’s time to relate to your past family, the family you grew up in as an adult now and not as a child.

According to psychotherapist Jerry Wise: “Our family today can not heal our childhood wounds.  They are ours to heal.”

In essence, we have to make our peace with these wounds and ultimately make our peace with our parents.

We often hold our parents to a higher standard than we hold ourselves simply because they are our parents and we are seeing them through childish eyes.  In doing this, we are not being fair to them; we see them in terms of their role responsibilities and relationship to us.  They are so much more than that – they are human beings in their own right and as such have the right to make mistakes and mess up just as we do.

What is it that you bring from your family of origin that remains unresolved for you in your world today?

What do you tell yourself about this story?

What do you have to let go of in order to move forward?

We have a choice we can keep the old story or we can create a new more empowering ones.

We can not have both.

We have to let go in order to move forward.  You can not move ahead if you are constantly looking backward.

According to Jim Rohm “The day you graduate from your childhood is the day you take full responsibility for your life.”

As for Anita, she now applies the medicinal balm to her arms more lovingly and smoothly while allowing those old scars to heal.

Are you struggling with old childhood issues that are interfering with your life and family today?

Maybe, it’s time to talk to a professional about ways that you can move forward with those old stories.  If that is you and you are finally ready to release and let go of those old family stories that are keeping you stuck, then connect with me here.

http://bit.ly/2Qomut4

Have a half-hour conversation with me. Let’s see if together we can come up with a plan.

Life is for living in the present, not the past.  That’s why it’s called the PRESENT and that is the GIFT!

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Finding ‘S’Heroes Lessons in Female Leadership from Game of Thrones

As Game of Thrones winds down and the fictional epic fantasy TV drama ends in May 2019, I cannot help feeling a strong sense of anticipatory grief.

In spite of the high degree of violence, and nudity, it has been one of the few entertaining 1TV shows that have embraced the idea of putting strong female characters into powerful leadership roles.

Ranging from the slightly unhinged Queen, Cersei Lannister, to Brienne of Tarth – a female knight functioning in a hostile, misogynist, male-dominated medieval world these “dames kick ass.” Who can forget Lady Oleana, the tart grand dame with the acerbic tongue, played with such aplomb by the fabulous Dame Diana Rigg?

As an aside, Diana Rigg was one of the few female role models that I clung to growing up as a child in the sixties. She played Emma Peel of the Avengers. She was a strong attractive woman who held her own with whichever nemesis there was that dared to get in her way, male or female. She was my hero or, better said, my ‘S’hero. 

So, who are the female heroes of today?

Or maybe the better question to ask should be: Where are our ‘S’heroes?

Those strong female role models that our young women can hang on to.

Author, George. R. R. Martin in his writings has endowed his female characters with strength, knowledge, power, and ability. These female characters not only stand in their power – they have power.

The most significant female character in GOT is the Queen of Dragons, Daenerys Targaryen. Can we learn from her story arc and heroes’ journey and use her as a modern-day ‘S’hero?

We first meet this young woman, abused, physically and emotionally, by her tyrannical older brother, as he sells her as a child bride to savage warrior Khal Drogo, chieftain of the nomadic Dothraki tribes.

We witness her growth as a young woman coming into her own. Connecting to her inner dragon, or inner self; she stops being a passive victim and chooses to take control of her situation by taking control of her sexuality. She learns about sex, and she learns about her body. Once she finds her sense of power there is no stopping her. She refuses to stay on the sidelines and gets into the game.

Daenerys knows who she is, where she has come from and who she is meant to be.

She fiercely states the following about her own personal journey of growth and development:

…. “I was sold like a brood mare; shamed, betrayed, raped, and defiled. Do you know what kept me standing all those years in exile? Faith. Faith, not in any gods, myths or legends. Faith in myself.”

It was the conviction in herself about who she was that gave her the ability to garner an army of 8,000 unsullied soldiers, and belief and self-confidence in herself that allowed her to conquer the Dothraki tribes.

Yes, she has advisors, and she listened to them, but in the end, we see her making her own decisions based on her own personal vision and on what she feels is important for her to do in order for her to reclaim her rightful place as Queen of the Seven Kingdoms.

She is the one who, with her shrewd and cunning ability, who alone skillfully manages to negotiate and purchase an army of 8,000 men – men who willingly fight for her having been freed from enslavement.

Through her own skill and initiative, she is able to destroy the upper echelons of the savage Dothraki leadership her former husband’s tribe. Not only does she conquer the savage tribes’ people, but she is also able to get them to cross the seas with her, to help her reclaim her throne, something the Dothraki tribes had always repudiated from the beginning of time.

Daenerys as a character presents as being a combination of Cleopatra, Queen Boudicca, and Queen Elizabeth I – all strong, powerful women in leadership roles needing to find their own way in male-dominated societies.

Embracing more stronger powerful role models for the young women of today, even if it is in the world of entertainment, is one of the ways that we can enable them to become more empowered.

Teaching young women about their self-empowerment begins with teaching them that they have power over their bodies and their own sexuality.

Teaching young women about their self-empowerment means teaching them the importance of finding their voice and standing in their own personal power.

Teaching young women about self-empowerment means helping them to recognize the power in having supportive advisors that will allow them to embrace other perspectives, but also reminding them to own their own vision for their future and to operate from it.

Finally, empowerment always means teaching young women that they need to be being willing to take massive action when necessary.

These are all solid lessons we can learn from the epic storyline of Queen Daenerys Targaryen in the fantasy drama GOT. In this regard, entertainment can be both educational and informative. Through the development and presentation of story, character, images, metaphor, and symbols, entertainment provides a vehicle to present powerful messages of importance. It is through these powerful symbolic messages and stories that we can build grow and develop our ‘S’HEROES.

 

 

 

6 Ways Busy Women Can Prevent Burnout

When you hear that women can have it all, do you start to think it might be more apt to say that women can do it all?

Women are mothers, partners, bosses, employees, colleagues, daughters, sisters, best friends, clients, mentors, and caretakers to everyone. So, it makes sense that women can get caught up in the endless demands of everyday life.

When you focus on being all things to everyone and neglect your own self care, you start to lose who you are, which leads to stress, resentment, overwhelm, and finally, the dreaded burnout.

Here’s how you can prevent that from happening.

• Create a morning routine with mediation, prayer, visualizations, an uplifting podcast, exercise, or anything that works for you. Morning rituals help get you centered for the day ahead.

 

• Do one thing that makes you happy every single day. Smell a flower, listen to your favorite song, hug yourself, think of those good things that feed your soul.

• It’s important to plow through your day, but your mind and body need a rest. One effective method to ensure you are getting adequate breaks and focusing on your work is the Pomodoro technique. You set a timer and work in 25-minute bursts and then take a five-minute break before starting the next cycle. Use those five minutes to get up and get moving.

• Stress tends to restrict breathing making proper breathing crucial to your overall well-being, so make sure to stop several times per day and just do some deep breathing exercises by closing your eyes, quieting your mind, and taking deep breaths.

• Exercise is a great way to prevent burnout. It doesn’t matter whether it’s yoga or dancing, running, or cycling, if it makes your body feel good then you should do it, it will help relieve tension and improve your mood.

• If you don’t set and respect your boundaries, then who will? Set boundaries with everyone in your life and be assertive as you stick to them. You don’t need to justify your no, so stop offering reasons to placate the masses and start focusing on yourself.

Burnout is totally preventable, but it takes a well-planned and deliberate effort. Don’t get sucked into the vortex of a busy life, where you ignore yourself and your needs, your wellness really depends on you!

For more information see video link here: youtu.be/jLnLJIw2npg

So, there is no excuse why stress has to be a part of our lives. To discuss your stress or any of the tools provided in a private confidential way, connect with me for a free 30-minute power consultation see schedule link here:  http://bit.ly/2Qomut4

Creating Healthy Lines with Others

My latest podcast event was a discussion with Kirsten  Soupourmas on  her new podcast IMpower from Within. In this podcast we have a vibrant discussion about the importance and  value of  establishing boundaries  with our   family  members,  friends, work colleagues  and the people we interact with.

Here is the link to the conversation:

Tending to Your Garden Creating Healthy Lines with Others

On the Edge with April Mahoney

Another   podcast interview on Blog Talk Radio    On the Edge  with  April Mahoney. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/aprilmahoney/2019/03/15/are-you-overwhelmed-and-challenged-by-everyday-life-veronica-hislop-can-help

 

 

HOW TO AVOID BEING A DIVORCE STATISTIC THE SECOND TIME AROUND

 

“My partner and I are a perfect match for one another and the love between us is inspired.”

Positive Relationship Affirmation for Attracting Excellent Relationships

 

The above affirmation is a powerful declaration of love that most people would probably say at the beginning of a new relationship; yet the fact is, 40 to 50 percent of marriages in the United States end up in divorce, with the average marriage lasting for only 8 years according to The U.S. Census Bureau.  The statistics in Canada are only slightly different with the average marriage lasting for 13 years while the divorce rate hovers at 41%.  (According to Statistics Canada)

 

Given these facts, a wise person does not forge full STEAM ahead investing their time, energy, effort and love in a long-term relationship without taking the time to get to know their potential partner. Smart people do not sleep with or make a child with someone until they have a sense of their PPP -IQ.

 

What’s that you may ask?

A Personal Partner Profile:

A set of guiding principles that you use to help you decide whether or not you want to invest in a romantic long-term relationship with another person.

 

“I’ve attracted the most loving person in my life and life is now full of pleasure.”

Positive Relationship Affirmations for Attracting Excellent Relationships

 

Although affirmations are important  to keep us motivated, inspired,   positive and hopeful when attempting to discern  the potential of a long-term relationship,  getting  grounded, focused and clear  and maintaining some realm of common sense also has its’ merits.

 

In this world of quick relationships taking the time to get a good sense of a potential partner is powerful information that can guide how you move forward in your potential relationship.  Slowing things down is really not such a bad idea. This rings particularly true for women as our bonding hormones can sell us out if we connect and attach to someone too quickly before we really get to know them.

 

Here are three key areas that people need to pay particular attention to; areas that anyone can explore before hitching their wagon to someone long term. They include questions in the area of relationships: coping strategies and values. It is important to keep these questions at the forefront when thinking about the potential of a long-term partner.

 

 

1. How does your potential partner treat the most important people in their life?

This included family of origin, children and previous relationships.

What  is your potential partner’s previous intimate relationship history?

Is there someone they are still emotionally connected to?

Are they still arguing with the ex- partner?

How your potential partner manages their emotional baggage gives you important information about how they will manage their relationship with you. If your potential partner has not resolved issues in their first relationship and does not have clear boundaries with their ex-partner or family of origin members for that matter, those issues will intrude in the new relationship and interfere in its establishment.  The new relationship may have difficulty getting itself off the ground because of past relationship unresolved issues and lack of boundaries.

 

2. How does your potential partner manage their stress?

What stress management and coping skills do they have?

When, where and how do they get upset and angry?

Taking time to slow down to get a real sense of these issues is paramount.  Someone who uses marijuana, alcohol or other substances to calm themselves and relax is sending a clear   message to you about their ability to self-soothe or lack thereof.   They may have a chemical dependency or undiagnosed mental health issues – pay attention to their behaviour as this is important.

 

3. Do you actually like your potential partners personality and character?

Putting aside physical attraction, and great sex, do you actually like the person that you are with as a human being?

Do you have a good sense of their beliefs and values, their overall philosophy about life; do they live in alignment with their philosophy and do you know what is important to them? Do you now their beliefs about money and how do they handle it? And finally, do you understand where they stand in terms of religion, spirituality if and how those issues are important to them.

 

 

When we take the time to look at persons behaviour and not just listen to their words; when we take the time to see if words and behaviour are in alignment we get a sense of the persons integrity and character. Most individuals display who they are their values, characteristics, beliefs from the very beginning, ignoring these qualities, pretending they don’t exist, or even worse, knowing that they exist and thinking that you have the power to change them is just downright foolhardy.

 

For those people seeking to find a second-long term partner, using the Personal Partner Profile or some form of it, to help assess whether a relationship has   long term potential. not only helps the individual to stay grounded in their courting, it also helps to lessen their potential of becoming a   divorce statistic second time around.

 

“I see everything with loving eyes and I love everything that I discover.”

Positive Relationship Affirmations for Attracting Excellent Relationships

 

 

UNSTOPPABLE: Finding Your Greatness Within

Are you talented, bright and courageous, all set to start a journey of self- growth and empowerment?
Are you ready to challenge your thinking, conquer your fears, design powerful habits and create a massive action plan blue print that will guide you on your journey towards success?

Is that you?

Phase 2 of the new online course Get out of Your Comfort Zone Master Your Destiny has  now  become UNSTOPPABLE: Finding Your Greatness Within.

The course is  ready and waiting for you Now!

Embrace and own your dreams while taking bigger and better action in moving forward with your goals.

Join me in the next class.  Starting soon.

Limited Seats Available.

• If you are  feeling  immobolized   and stuck  and  need to find ways to GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE
• MAYBE YOU SET SOME NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS FOR YOURSELF JAN 1 AND YOU FIND YOURSELF OFF TRACK
• If you are going through a MID-LIFE CRISIS and  need to find  a new sense of direction.
• If you are now at a place where you want to have more meaningful Personal & Professional relationships.
• If you are looking to find work-life balance in your life
• UNSTOPPABLE: Finding Your  Greatness Within  THIS course is for you..
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• Retirees, recent graduates,  those struggling with empty nest syndrome, divorcees, those changing careers,  those who are unemployed; anyone who is going through  some form of  transition or personal change and  feels that they need to  start over and reinvent  themselves  then this online course is for you.PHASE 2 STARTING  soon. Few spots available.To find out more click here:http://bit.ly/2z1S7Cy